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Physical:

• Pushing
• Shoving
• Spitting
• Hitting/Slapping
• Strangulation/choking

 Emotional/Psychological:

• Intimidation
• Coercion
• Degrading language
• Manipulation
• Public humiliation
• Threats of physical harm to self, others, and/or pets
• Gaslighting or intentionally creating confusion and insecurity through distorted and untrue statements to make the victim feel “crazy”
• Threats of using immigration status

 Financial/Economic:

• Controls finances
• Withholding access to money or limiting access to funds
• Keeping financial secrets or hidden accounts
• Putting the victim on an allowance
• Requires victim disclose any income made/spent
• Interference with employment so they cannot work or have minimal work hours

 Verbal:

• Any abusive language used to disparage, embarrass, harass, or threaten
• Threats to hurt or kill the victim, their children, family, friends, and/or pets
• Threats to destroy property or reputation
• Name calling
• Telling the victim that they are unattractive, undesirable, and they are lucky to have them because no one else would want them
• Yelling, screaming, rampaging, terrorizing, or giving the silent treatment

 Sexual Abuse:

• Use of force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation to engage in intimacy
• Making the victim have sex with others, have unwanted sexual experiences, or be involuntarily involved in prostitution
• Exploiting a victim who is incapacitated and unable to make an informed decision about sexual activity due to being asleep, intoxicated, drugged, disabled, too young, too old, or dependent upon or afraid of the perpetrator
• Laughing or making fun of another’s sexuality or body, making offensive statements, insulting, or name-calling in relation to the victim’s sexual preferences/behavior
• Nonconsensual sexual contact through unwanted penetration or touching on any part of the victim’s body

Those who abuse, do so to gain or maintain power and control over another. Often those who abuse believe their own feelings and needs take priority over their partners and act out in inappropriate and sometimes unsafe ways. There is a consistent pattern of tactful behaviors that break down the partner's until they have a belief of inferiority to them. There may be a belief that they have the “right” to have power and control over another, and at times even feel enjoyment over it. There are many reasons “why” individuals behave in abusive ways toward their partners.

English	Spanish

The biggest question people ask is, “Why do they stay?” There are several reasons why victims of intimate partner violence stay in a relationship. There are economic, geographical, familial, and safety reasons why people stay in these relationships. The lack of resources and inability to live on one's own are also reasons to stay. The threat of taking custody of the children often plays a role. Harming the family pets is a significant deterrent to leaving. Statistically, the most dangerous time for a victim and their children is the leaving phase of the relationship. It is not uncommon that the abusive partner may escalate, potentially resorting to violence when their partner decides to leave the relationship. Leaving an abusive partner takes away their power and control. 

[Why domestic violence victims don't leave | TED Talk video]

In any intimate partnership, it is normal to experience ups and downs.  However, a healthy relationship fosters mutual respect, open communication, teamwork and should feel safe. Opposite of the Power and Control Wheel is the Equality Wheel that illustrates what a safe, healthy relationship should have.

English	Spanish

All relationships fall somewhere between healthy and abusive along the relationship spectrum. Where does your relationship fall?

Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Do you know if your relationship is healthy?

Take the Healthy Relationship Quiz provided by www.loveisrespect.org

You can also download the pdf version here